So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
