oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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