the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
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Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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