just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
