she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
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You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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