my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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