the new term for farting is butt boxing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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