We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I will pee on everything he values.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize