Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
