Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
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I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize