I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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