do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize