it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
