Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
