dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
