I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
