Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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