okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
