my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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