Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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