in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
