After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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