you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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