Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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