So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
