i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize