I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
