Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize