At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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