Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
