Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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