be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
