I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
