i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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