would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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