Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
