ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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