Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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