But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
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I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
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