I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
