I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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