that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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