Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
