I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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