Do you still have your period?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
