you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
