hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize