My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
