i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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