the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
