I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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