He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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