Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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