go do what you do best...puke behind churches
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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