I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
