your thong is hanging out like whoa
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
