Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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