the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
