it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
