Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
