My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize